The Grass Is Always Greener

...on the Other Side of 21.

Be honest: how old were
you when this gem
hit the theatres?

During Thanksgiving weekend, my sister-in-law Michelle (who looks like a younger, blond Angelina Jolie with fewer children) noticed that the “Kids’ Table” occupants are now sporting wedding rings, drivers’ licenses, and college diplomas - and don’t predate (gulp) Star Wars, let alone Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.

“Omigod,” Michelle groaned. “I am feeling so O-to-the-L-to-the-D!”

It took me a moment (and another slug of caffeine) before I translated her statement to “Oh, my God, I feel old” ...which really made me feel so O-to-the-L-to-the-D.

Do celebrations of anniversaries of my 39th birthday constitute “old”? I think not. Maybe grudging middle age. Which leads me to share a few observations about middle age and (ah!) sweet youth...

*****

YOU KNOW YOU’RE MIDDLE-AGED WHEN...

• Your kid’s teacher is younger than you ... by 15 years.

• You know how to install a dishwasher, replace a fluorescent light fixture, and repair the sprinkler system without reading an owner’s manual or researching it on the Internet.

• Your work career spans longer than your school career (including preschool and the graduate work).

Science has yet to explain
the phenomenon of how
fat leaps from cake to
hips without ingestion.

• Your official age is 39-and-holding.

• At least one muscle or joint in your body always aches or creaks (or both).

• Your favorite alphanumeric phrase is “401K.”

• You gain weight just by looking at chocolate cake.

• The “oldies” radio station now plays songs from your high school and college years. (Duran Duran! Huey Lewis and the News! John Mellencamp!)

• Who cares how ugly those shoes are as long as they’re comfortable!

• You wish you were 21.

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YOU KNOW YOU’RE STILL YOUNG WHEN...

• You have more than enough élan to pull off an ensemble of a hot pink shirt, lime green pants, a necklace that bears an eerie resemblance to a bicycle chain, and a faux leopard fur capelet. Or a fairy princess gown, a feather boa, and motorcycle boots.

• You wish Miley Cyrus was your big sister.

• You really care who wins an MTV Video Music Award.

• You count your age in halves and quarters (as in “I’m 7¾ years old” or “I can’t wait till I’m 12½”).

• Twinkies taste good.

• You sprint up four flights of stairs without breaking a sweat, with enough breath and energy left to do an intricate victory dance.

Instrument of torture or
fashion statement?
Your answer will
reveal your age.

• Who’s Huey Lewis?

• Who cares how uncomfortable those shoes are as long as they’re gorgeous!

• You wish you were 21.

*** Stay tuned for the December 15 blog: "Recipes from the Bottom of Our Stomachs (Kiwi Try to Eat What I Cooked? Pretty Peas?)." ***

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