Quiz: Too Pooped to Peep

Is It Possible to Get Tired of Sleeping?

What mom bloggers look like
at day's end (also the
quality of our vision).

Here’s a simple quiz to rate your level of parenthood-related exhaustion. Are you too pooped to peep?

1. When do you write and mail your Christmas greetings?

A. By Thanksgiving, because aside from weekends in Vegas, you’ve got plenty of quiet, spare time.
B. By Christmas, because you like to be punctual.
C. By Memorial Day the following year... if you’re lucky.

2. How does your kitchen floor look?

A. Like the gleaming, spotless, unscathed area of flooring it should be.
B. Like the “ten-second rule” would truly work if you didn’t squint too much.
C. Like an acceptable spot for a nap, because it’s a horizontal surface and you’ll still be in the middle of it all.

3. How do you react to the sight of your partner in a swimsuit?

A. Hubba hubba!
B. Hubba hubba... but you’ll take a rain check till after you finish mopping the floor and writing the Christmas cards.
C. You almost call the police because there’s a stranger in the - oh, wait. Never mind.

4. What is your opinion of sleep?

A. It’s an activity you take for granted because you get at least nine blissful hours of it every night.
B. It’s an activity to be savored to the fullest, like sipping your way through an uncommon bottle of 2006 Hanzell Pinot Noir.
C. It’s an activity you daydream about the way other people daydream about Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lopez, chocolate, power, money, and pinot noir - combined.

Back to Top

5. The idea of having six children in almost as many years sounds...

A. Like an adventure of a lifetime! You can’t wait to try it!
B. Intriguing in an abstract way.
C. Terrifying any way you look at it.

6. How go your conversational gambits?

A. Swimmingly; full of polysyllabic words, innuendo, logic, poetry, and wit.
B. Rationally, if between the hours of 9:00 am and 3:00 pm.
C. In incomplete, monosyllabic sentences no matter the time: e.g., “No!” “Stop!” “What?” and “Huh?”

A test of tiredness: how
heavy is the remote control?

7. Channel surfing is...

A. A home entertainment right.
B. Something the kids do while you frantically throw dinner together.
C. A mighty physical effort.

8. You wear...

A. The latest designer fashions because you have the time, money, and energy to devote to haute couture (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).
B. The comfortable basics: mix-and-match, elastic-waisted, stain resistant, and machine washable.
C. Your clothes inside out. And backwards. And by 10:00 a.m., adorned with spit-up, glue, or mustard - or some conglomeration thereof.

Back to Top

9. You know you’re alive because...

A. You feel like bursting spontaneously into song.
B. You feel like bursting spontaneously into applause, especially when your kid puts his plate in the sink - without your asking!

C. You feel like bursting into spontaneous combustion, before you realize that it’s probably a perimenopausal hot flash.

10. Counting to ten is...

A. Something you do without thought in five different languages (one language for each country you’ve vacationed in during the last five years).
B. Something you do on a daily basis to avoid losing your temper.
C. Something that you vaguely recall doing once upon a time with ease, but can’t seem to manage now without the aid of coffee and a counting picture book.

SCORING

How’d you do? If you answered...

Mostly As - You have no children. Or you have children and a live-in nanny (or two), a maid, and a personal assistant, and your name is Angelina Jolie. Or you have children all over age 35 and off the payroll.

Mostly Bs - You are in admirable control of your life. Most of us moms aspire to your level, and many of us will reach it once our children graduate from college.

Mostly Cs - Congratulations! You ARE officially too pooped to peep. Welcome to the Exhausted Moms’ Club, where coffee is required and pinot noir is wishful thinking. You’re already paying your dues in more ways than one. No secret handshake is required; we can spare neither the energy nor the hands.

*** Stay tuned for the September 30 blog: "Reading Grown-Up Books: What a Novel Idea." ***

Back to Top